News Flash: No matter what it is that you do to put money in your bank account, you have a career that you never knew about...everyone is in construction and everyone is in sales. To fully get the most out of life, you must be keenly aware of what is actually taking place during each and every interaction you have with another human being during your day. You are selling something and you are building something with every interaction. Most of us never come to understand this or look at it in this way. With every interaction you have, you are selling yourself. People will see who you are and how you value others through your words, and most importantly through your actions. With each new person you meet, you are laying a foundation. Upon that foundation, you will either continue to build or tear down that relationship with every subsequent interaction going forward. You have a choice which you are doing…building up or tearing down. Interactions are rarely neutral, they either reinforce and build a relationship up, or they damage and tear it down. Having a YOU NOT ME Mindset means you are always in building up mode, not in demolition. I have three questions I want you to reflect on, they are critical to your success at building relationships:
What message are you selling about yourself and who you are to the world?
What kind of foundations are you laying to build upon?
Are you choosing to build or tear down with every interaction?
Sadly, when the word "sales" is mentioned, people often have the image of someone who is high pressure and doing everything possible to get you to buy whatever they are selling, whether you need it or not, or whether it is the best of the many different brands of ________ you are looking for to meet your needs. You feel it is all about them and it makes you dread the process of purchasing that product or service. I am confident each of us has felt this way at least once in our lifetime. Even though we have experienced it, doesn't mean we should replicate it and pass it on. If your title does include the word "sales", we can choose to be different, to make a difference, and to be significant with every interaction we have to change that stigma and make others better because of their interaction with us.
Too often sales people have a ME NOT YOU Mindset and they have their mind solely focused on the wrong part of the outcome. They are focused on what they get out of it, not caring nearly as much as they should about the other person. They are short-term, transactional focused instead of long-term, relational focused. Here is one definition of sales that I have found from the American Society for Training and Development: “The holistic business system required to effectively develop, manage, enable, and execute a mutually beneficial, interpersonal exchange of goods or services for equitable value.” In this definition it uses the words “mutually beneficial” and “equitable value”, but we are losing sight of this and it has shifted to where we are trying to get as much as possible from someone or a company while we provide the least amount possible in exchange. People often no longer care if it hurts the other party involved and then potentially damages the relationship which could discourage any further exchange between the two in the future. We strive to get what is best for us regardless of what it does to the other party, as long as in the immediate short-term we get what we want without having to give up much from own resources.
We have become so busy that we often don’t take the time to think about the long-term ramifications for ourselves or others, and over time this can become terribly disastrous for our future. This isn’t just happening in the business world, it is happening in our personal relationships as well. This is one of the main reasons why friendships and marriages fall apart. One person was more focused on themselves being fulfilled instead of trying to make the other person feel loved, supported, and valued. In a perfect scenario, there would be a synergistic relationship between the two parties so both benefit and are built up, becoming better when they are combined in a relationship (business or personal) than each as an individual standing alone by themselves. This is where it is imperative we shift to a YOU NOT ME Mindset and we factor others best interest into our decision making. Thinking this way will grow your relationships more than you can ever imagine! We are surrounded by relationships and the hope is that if done well, they will transcend the lines of business and personal, so be consistent in your words and actions in both areas. Since we are constantly interacting with others, we need to take the time to reflect on what it is we are focused on and how we will move forward.
Interactions and relationships between individuals are an exchange, and therefore we are selling (giving out) something. I heard this quote once from Maya Angelou and it has always stuck with me, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."...with a YOU NOT ME Mindset you will make them feel significant, valued, and loved. Amazing relationships can be built that go beyond purely business where you care for and serve that person well...not just so you get something in return, but so you can give them something to make them better. It all depends on your mindset, will you choose ME NOT YOU or YOU NOT ME? There is a huge difference that people will truly feel based on the mindset you choose. I hope your eyes are now opened to the fact that we are all in sales and construction. Make sure you know and are intentional with what you are selling, and be aware whether you are building up or tearing down a relationship with every interaction!
Which question are you more consistently asking yourself?
What is my value proposition to the world and what can I give?
or
What is the world's value proposition to me and what can I get?
You will have two very different results in life based on which question dominates your thinking!
Thank you so much for reading, it is an honor to have your time! I hope something in this piece resonated with you and helped shift your mindset. If it did, please share it with friends that could benefit from it and would want to join our movement to change the world around you by focusing on YOU NOT ME.
-Chris
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